And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

Chris Tomlin, I will rise

I love...

- Fresh bread and butter (tonight's supper)
- Tasmanian apple cider
- Seven Little Australians
- The tune to Lullaby by Jack Johnson
- Having days at home on my own
- Sleeping in
- Going to bed at night
- Vintage embroidery patterns
- Peace and quiet
- The piano part in With everything, by Hillsong
- DJ Shah's Beautiful (glimspe of heaven) (long island mix)
- The smell of rose water (which goes in turkish delight)
- Nell and Will
- James G...

Deliver me from me
And deliver me to You
Come and set me free
Come and find me tried and true
Come on now
Deliver me from me

Someone reminded me recently the importance of 'dying to self daily'. This Margaret Becker song is a good reminder for me. But still, I'm struggling.

Feeling bad again (a common occurrence with me)I do things I don't want to do (even when I know they are wrong), I look at pictures of myself and totally understand why my life is what it is. (in regards to relationships particularly) There's always a constant battle within me to have to do things I don't want to, like walk the dog, feed the pets, do things around the house, I struggle most often when I just want to do my own things and have to get up. I struggle with trusting people to like me, esp. after they've been upset with me. I struggle with the idea of taking the steps to move out on my own. (or with someone else) With not knowing if I'll be ok financially, and whether I'll ever feel secure in a job. (which I never have) I struggle with the idea of having to find my own accommodation and worry that it will be a challenge. I struggle with the idea of loving someone for the rest of my life and with the possibility that they may never acknowledge me again, let alone like me, and how incredibly hard that will be.

Thanks God, for working things out in regards to my leave, and for
cool people who are organised when it comes to things like rosters and
such!! Now I can really look forward to my time off.

Having lunch in rainy Thornbury. The day's actually going pretty well.
I am minding Felix till 2pm and then going else where. He hasn't been
up to too much mischief. Thanks God. Please can the rest of the day go
well? Please God, can everything be clear and organised? Thanks for
all you do for me God. I know I don't say thankyou often enough.
In other exciting news (for me) I've recieved a pay rise! That's not
something I've ever had happen before. It's only about a dollar extra
an hour, but it all adds up, and the centre owner has been very
diligent and organised with the group certificates. Yesterday was the
first day of the financial year and I got mine today! I love when
things are as stress free and simple as that. I feared this would be
another battle. Thanks for that God. Now I just need the leave thing
to be sorted. I'm really trying not to stress about it though. Please
God work it out for me. Ta.
My weekend is something I'm looking forward to. (even though I've just
had two days off) Dad is making me a book case, so I need to clear my
floor in order to get it in. (& I'm sick of living in a mess) and I'm
cooking lots of things for lunch Sunday. I hope I'm successful. No
deserts this week, so no disasters. Hurrah! I am planning on a cake
and a Turkish delight icecream for Sunday though, so I'll see how I go.
Hope you're having a nice day James.

(I really should have brought some chocolate with me to work, I don't
know how i'm going to last till 7, when I get home!! I'm not buying!
I'm not buying! Money is for NZ!)

I havn't written much in regards to James lately, not because I don't
care, but rather because I'm not sure what to say or do. I really miss
him but at the same time I'm feeling the rejection keenly, and it
hurts. I wish that there was something I could say or do so that we
could be in contact again. And I still feel that sense that I should
'wait and see'. I don't know, maybe its me not facing reality. Off to
bed now, I'm up at 5:30am tomorrow : /
Dear James, I miss you, I love you still. I wish I could see you
sometime. You mean so much to me, more so than anyone else. I want to
hug you and hold your hand, and kiss you goodnight. I want to hear how
your uni semester has gone and whether you've got your results yet.
I'm praying for success for you in this.
Rachel

Ps, If I could see you, you could do all the asking/paying for/leading in this if you'd like. (I know that's how you like things to be.)