A letter and a prayer

James,

Common sense tells me that I should let go of this idea of you and me, that you've said no and I should accept that. But there's this other part of me that just can't let it go, a part of me that says 'wait and see' and 'fight for him'. That's what I've been doing James, fighting for you and hoping for you and praying for you. Call me crazy if you like, but you matter to me. I hope one day I'll hear from you again. It was such a privilege to be able to call you a friend James, if only for a little while. I want to be friends again someday, if only in heaven.

Rachel

God, only you know his heart. He means so much to me, please be with him, keep him safe, shelter and protect him. Thanks.

Ready for the weekend

Have just gone through Southern Cross stn, where all the country and
interstate trains leave from. I wish I could get on a train and go
somewhere. I'm also considering going to Perth for my July break. I
havn't been to the west part of Australia before. I'll look into how
much plane tickets are. After that I might start looking for a new
job. And right now I'm so hungry I could eat 10 pieces of toast, and
some cheese and some kabana and a small piece of cheescake and I could
really go for big glass of soft drink etc...etc...I havn't eaten much
today.

Take me away, million miles away from here...

Not feeling well

Feeling a bit hurt by some things I've remembered he's done (like the
way he sounded annoyed and brushed me off when I asked about getting a
coffee in March...& then he asked someone else out a few weeks later)
Also feeling a bit sick, I've had a pretty good run of good health
lately... But I guess it's better to be sick at home, where I can
rest, than at work. Despite having two days off I'm SO looking forward
to the weekend. Bring it on!!
God, I'm really missing James right now. Only you know what the future holds, but God this is such a hard
burden to bear. Please work this out God, if only for things to end
amicably. Please.

I hate it when...

I'm too tired to keep reading. (& it's a good book!)

I'm ignored and hurt and there has been no good reason for it.

Lots of school people are listing their status on fb as being 'no
longer single but in a relationship' : / why not me?

My arm gets tired while typing on tiny iPod keys...

I'm tired but can't sleep.

I feel bad about spending money.

I love someone and they don't love me back :'( (but I did say no more
of this didn't I? I'm trying...)

I love it when...

God hears and answers me, like in regards to the payslips thing.
Thanks.

Dear James

Struggling

God I'm struggling again, with it being over and me not wanting it to
be. Every time I hear that email notification I hope it's from him. It
never is though. I know he's not perfect and he's hurt me, but I can't
turn off how I feel. I still care