Getting back on track...

Though this whole experience has been an incredibly painful and hard one to experience, one thing I've learnt through it, is that I need to get my priorities straight in life. I've realised that James (or anyone else) can't be number one in my life- God must come first and than others. I waited so long to meet and get to know James, and so when I did, nothing was as important to me in life as hearing from and knowing him. I realise now that wasn't right. I idolised him and I shouldn't have. I think for me the ultimate measure of worth and value (as far as I myself am concerned) is finding someone who will love me unconditionally, without reservation- in a romantic way. I wanted someone to share my life with and who would share their's with me. This is the kind of love I have craved and wanted and sought for so long, and to finally have found a potential person who might have fullfilled this need- well, you can imagine how consuming it was. But it wasn't right. So I'm trying my best to put God first now, to always seek his will and to honor him with my life. It's not easy but I'm going to keep trying and doing my best. One way I'm working at my relationship with God is by trying not to watch specific TV shows anymore. I like my TV so this isn't easy, but yeah... I know he will help me.
One song that I'm really enjoying right now is 'Hungry (Falling On My Knees)'. I have it on my ipod and often listen to it particularly (as opposed to other songs) while sitting in the park in the early mornings waiting to go to work. Anyway, I love the words, they remind me of who should be most important in my life- Jesus. And they tell me that he is all I need in life. I so desperately want the words to ring true for me. I don't know who sang it originally but I love it. It tells me that even if James never loves me back and never acknowledges me again, there is someone who loves and cares about me and that should be enough.

hungry

hungry I come to You
for I know You satisfy
I am empty
but I know Your love does not run dry
and I wait
and I wait
so I wait for You
so I wait for You

chorus
I'm falling on my knees
offering all of me
Jesus, You're all this heart is living for

broken I run to You
for Your arms are open wide
I am weary but I know Your touch restores my life
so I'll wait for You
so I'll wait for You

I'm falling on my knees
offering all of me
Jesus, You're all this heart is living for
Oh, I'm falling on my knees
offering all of me
Jesus, You're all this heart is living for

and I wait for you
and I wait for you
and I wait for you
and I wait

I'm falling on my knees
offering all of me
Jesus, You're all this heart is living for
Oh, I'm falling on my knees
offering all of me
Jesus, You're all this heart is living for

hungry I come to you,
for I know You satisfy