Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I'm really struggling, please help me God...

Sunday, September 19, 2010

I went to bed last night feeling lousy, and Ive woken up feeling lousy. I really wish I didn't have to go to work today and it's a long day too, not the usual 5 hours with hasa. He'd better be good today, I'm not feeling like being treated like a punching bag. I don't know about anything anymore, just that I hate feeling like this. I don't want to write this anymore, I wish I'd never started. I feel like such an idiot, some of the things I've written....

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

So there's this clown on the train with his music at full volume, no
headphones! Such an idiot! Come on flinders!!!
I miss you James g, I wish I was with you now...

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

I'm in cold Fairfield! I wish I'd brought a coat with me, but lately
it's been warmer and a coat has just been an extra thing to carry. I
hate being cold!
Other things going on...I went to Geelong for that interview yesterday
and the interviewer was not in! So rude and unprofessional! I was
pretty angry and upset to miss a day of work and to go all that way
for nothing. I just had lunch in Geelong city and looked in a few
opshops and then got the train back. If that woman wants to interview
me she can do it over the phone. I was dissapointed, I would like to
live in Geelong, and this was just another set back to me getting on
with life, I feel.
Mum and I went and saw Tomorrow when the war began last night. It was
great, the guy who played Homer was particularly good as was Caitlin
stasey who played Ellie. We are both keen to read the books now and to
see the next film. I'm not sure why but I always though they were a
sci fi series but they arn't. John marsden is amazing! The soundtrack
was also quite good. I wouldn't mind seeing it again.
Please God go with me in my work today, thanks.

Monday, September 13, 2010

The Lord God helps me...the Lord God helps me...

Friday, September 10, 2010

I'm getting over this a bit...other things going on!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Another long (9:30-5:40) day. I'm ready for a day off. Just five hours
with felix tomorrow and then I'm done for the week. If this jolly bus
isn't on time out! (same with all other transport!)

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

So after a long work day there's this clown of a train driver who
decides to travel at a snail's pace from Fairfield to the city,
stopping every two minutes for no reason and then stopping at platform
14, resulting in a long walk to the other platforms! Not happy! I've
just about had it with idiots who are constantly late and just
Hasa was okay again today, although aparently according his muslim
religion he should sit to go to the toilet and not stand! (says his
mother) I wish I had tomorrow off, but I shall endure another day of
unhygienic children, at times rude staff and pathetic transport
services because I'm being paid for it!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Again I'm at that point where if one more person is rude to me...I've
had it all day.
Bit of an all over the place day, lots of confusion and things not
being clear at TK... Hopefully tomorrow will be better. I'm with hasa
till 2:30 and then I'm releiving Kylie. I'm hoping I'll be put on the
breaks lists! (please God) Otherwise they'll be no lunch.
James, just because I'm no longer asking and not saying much on here,
doesn't mean I no longer care. I still do...wish I was with you...

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Hasa was relatively chilled out today which was great! He still throws mini tantrums but he's learning that there are things he has to do, washing hands, coming for lunch etc...2 parcels today! Hurrah! I have more than enough books I need to read now.I also got Benj. R's gift.

Plans for this week

-work x5 days.
-finish BG assignment and start something else. *getting there*
-save money. I'm sick of buying food to eat on the way to/from work.
I've bought nice food today so that's it for the week.
-apply for 5 jobs (centrelink :/) *1 down, 4 to go*
-get better from this sore throat thing which just keeps going.*getting there*
-organist nell's vacs
-Benj r's birthday *done*

Not too busy a day. Someone from church gave me an old book she found
in an opshop (a bobbsey twins) so that was nice. And I've just cooked
pancakes with banana and nutella for dinner, was nice. To bed and a
book now.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Clever boy! (see last Friday)

I had a nice day with Felix. He's such a clever boy. I came into the room today and was talking to a little boy who wasn't keen on childcare today, trying to comfort him, when Felix saw me and bounded up and pulled me away, so I could be with him. Lots of outdoor play today which he liked. We've also been drawing trains a lot, which we number and name (Gordon, Thomas, Percy...) and we draw passengers in the windows. I ask him one by one if the passengers are happy, sad, angry, silly, sleepy etc... I noticed today he's started doing voices, copying me. Eg, when he says happy, its done in a bright, up beat voice. (quite loud) When he says sad he says it in a very weepy voice, and the same with angry. It's cute. I was trying to think of other ways to draw people, and said one of passengers was singing- 'la la la' and he copied. And the train driver is always happy. I love that kid, he's great!
Ebay parcel today! Hurrah! And a package waiting at the post office.
And the Geelong interview is on! Tuesday week!

Thursday, September 2, 2010

I'm starting at 9 today and finishing at 5:45, seems like a long day.
Please God go with me. Thanks. It's nice and sunny today, will be good
for my plants.
I'm reading Beverly Grays assignment now, I slogged through the last
14 pages of bg journey last night. I wish I could stay on this bus all
day and read. (& everyone else can get off) ah well, I'll survive.
I have a job interview arranged for next Monday which I'll have to
change because I'm working and it's in Geelong. I'm kind of anxious
but keen. For ages i've wanted to live in Geelong so if this works out
it would be a step the right direction. Only 20 minutes to Barron
Heads and Torquay! Please God can the time of the interview be worked
out? Thanks.

I'm having lunch in thornbury right now, listening to BBQ with
friends. I'm feeling slightly sick, same problems I had last week.
Just waiting for the demazin to kick in.
The cook at the centre commented today that she thinks I'm good with
the three children I've cared for at TK, she said I'm really good with
them and am patient and that it takes a certain kind of person to work
with these kinds of kids. It was totally out of the blue because we
were just talking about food and then she said that. Was very nice of
her. I don't know if she's a Christian but I heard she started seeing
a Christian guy earlier this year and goes to church with him. She
plays a Christian radio station in the kitchen too. I appreciated her
encouraging words.
Maybe fish for dinner? I might get some from coles, it always looks
nice there. (& I don't want chicken and broccoli pasta bake!)
And that job interview that I was trying to fit in next week is not
happening. I'm working a full week here and can't get to Geelong :/
not really happy. I ask STB a few days ago to be a reference (I told
her I'm looking for full time work) and I'm questioning her motives
for putting me on a full week. How can I look for work if I'm being

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Another day...I worked 9:30-4:10 today and I have a full day tomorrow.
Work was ok today, at times things were unclear but God went with
me and things worked out. Thanks God. But it was kind of awful
literally holding back from being sick at the mere thought of having
to change a girl who soiled herself..,and then I had to actually
change her. It's the smell I can't stand, more than anything else.
Such a disgusting job! I always need to smell something nice after
that. (I still feel a bit off after that and it's been hours)
Hasa was ok again today, although he threw a tantrum at lunch time
because he wanted to keep playing with a train and wouldn't come to
the table and eat. He needs to learn to do what he's told. But he's
learning that I'm in the room for him and is coming to me for help. It
was nice today when another child had a book he wanted. Rather than
aggressively snatching it and hissing like an angry snake, (as he
usually does) he said 'Ta?' in a nice manner. He can be good when he
wants to be.
Can dogs be brought on trains in Melbourne? I don't think so enless
they are guide dogs. Nell would have a field day if I brought her on a
train! She'd love it! But I don't like it when it's done by others...
(& I wouldn't do it)
I miss you James, I still care, i'm just going to keep telling you
until you listen and take it in. Love you my dear friend.