I wish I could get on a plane...

Feeling a bit all over the place again today, but mostly I just feel sad that all this has happened, and I wish I could just get on a plane and fly away. I'd never return. The other thing is, I realised I've been struggling with the idea of letting God work in James, and I'm finding it hard to be patient. By this, I mean that I want to contact James, I want to hear from him and ask him if he will reconsider me. I know its not the right time, I don't know if it ever will be, and if it ever will be, it will be in God's perfect time. And like I've already said, I seriously can't handle another no or another ignored email from him. Its hard waiting to see whether things will ever happen with us...and I'm worrying (which is such an incredibly hard thing not to do!) that things will happen between him and this other person, and I just can't handle that. The thought of him being with someone else, of loving someone else just kills me.