Saturday, July 31, 2010

There are so many things I want to write about. I said I didn't want to do this anymore, but I do want to write it (if only for myself) but just change the focus of it. I started out writing this for someone as a way of showing them that I love them and as a way of praying for him, but that relationship hasn't worked out. I'm still praying, but what I'm writing about is changing.
This year has been a hard one, but for the first time I think ever, in my life, I've learnt and am learning what it means to be a true Christian. God has been with me through the hard times, the things that have happened this year have really made me rely on Him as I never have before. Its a good feeling, to be on the right track. I just want to live 100% for him. One thing that I've felt I need to change is watching tv. I especially don't want to watch Home and Away and Neighbours anymore, they are just rubbish and don't help me to be a Christian. I can now see that my parents had good reasons for not allowing us to watch these shows when we were children. Watching these shows also doesn't help me to be healthy inside, if that makes sense? The relationship stuff is what I've liked about these shows, and they aren't God honouring relationships, and watching them makes me want those kinds of relationships too. (Did that make sense?? I don't know? Its hard to explain) And the other reason for not watching those shows (or any tv) is that when I leave here and live on my own, I don't want a tv in my house. And if I ever have children I don't want them watching tv either.
The other thing is, for the first time in such I long time, I wish I had Christian friends. For me, I've never wanted friends, I've just wanted a boyfriend, that's what I've wanted and wished for for such a long time. But now, I wish I had Christian friends who I could pray for and who I could ask to pray for me. This really feels like a 'God' thing to me. If anyone ever reads this and would like me to pray for them, I'd be happy to, let me know.
And another thing, when writing this in the past, and in my general attitude towards life, I've been critical and impatient with people. Lately there's been this reminder in my head to 'tread lightly on people'. I do want to be kinder, more patient and less critical of others, just as I would want them to be kind and patient with me. So no more putting people down in this and hopefully in real life too.
God has been good to me in my life, looking back I can see that. Hard things have happened, but he has stood by me, and the least I can do is live my life for him.

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