Wednesday, August 25, 2010

I'm lying here not able to sleep, but no work tomorrow so it doesn't
matter too much. I feel like such a fraud, claiming to be a Christian,
a follower of Christ, when the truth is I constantly stuff up, I look
up stuff on the Internet and watch stuff on the tv which isn't
helpful. I don't often 'tread lightly' on people, as I should. I worry
and fret and get anxious and don't trust God for things. I blame God
when things don't go how I want them to. I'm sorry God, I want to be a
better follower, please help me.
The other thing is, while I'm being so honest and open, my heart is
absolutely crushed over the past 6 months events. I've asked God to
heal the hurt and to show me what to do to move on from this, but
honestly, despite all the praying and seeking him in this situation,
the hurt and emptiness is still there. It's consuming. I don't know
what to do anymore. I just love you James G, that's the truth. Talking
with you was just the best thing ever, I loved having you as my
friend. I miss you, & wish you wanted to know me again.

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